I’m Finally Meditating My Own Way

This post was originally included as part of my October 17, 2024 Newsletter.

This year I made it a goal to "meditate more" but it's been a struggle and I'm just now, in October, accepting the style and frequency with which I naturally meditate.

In this post we're going to talk about many of the "shoulds" or "right way" narratives out there when it comes to meditation, how they've negatively impacted my experiences, and what I finally found that works for me. (And hopefully some ideas for you)!

When I meditate, I feel called to soar up out of my body and fly like a bird. Often, I feel like a crow or an eagle but I always fly off to a space that calls me.

Sometimes it's my personal Sanctuary, sometimes it's a pyramid structure hovering in the atmosphere above the north pole, and sometimes I even fly down an open well and into the center of the Earth.

The spaces I find myself in always have a message for me or a bit of personal knowledge. Most often I come out of the experiences feeling much more centered in my path and grounded in what I'm doing. They bring me a feeling of peace.

But that's not the typical narrative of how we're "supposed" to meditate and I've been battling those systems in my own head for a while.

The Narratives

When I describe my meditative experiences to some people they often tell me that it doesn't sound like meditation at all. They say I'm remote-viewing or astral traveling or scrying.

Honestly, I don't care about finding a specific name for it. To me, this feels like meditation.

But it wasn't until recently that I finally accepted my own experiences as a form of meditation. In actuality, I've spent the last 9 months trying to fit inside a meditation box.

Some of the limiting narratives I took on and carried include:

• Meditation should be a time to clear my mind of all thoughts and visualizations. I should see nothing.

• Meditation should be sitting in one space or going for a walk but not talking to anyone or just focusing on my breathing.

• I should meditate every day.

• I should meditate every day at the exact same time for the same length of time to develop consistency.

• I should meditate for a minimum of 30 minutes every day.

• I should be more disciplined.

At one point I participated in this class that told me I should be meditating for a minimum of 2 hours per day to truly connect with myself (implying that less than 2 hours wasn't enough to truly tap into my inner knowing)! 🤯

And you know what? A small part of me believed that.

I'm cringing as I write this.

That same class also told me that if I wanted to "astral travel" or "remote-view" then I needed to do so by going through a certain set of visualizations that used sacred geometry because it was the safest way—implying that if I didn't I could expose myself to dark energies.

I absolutely do NOT believe this and do NOT support that BUT... a small part of me did think it.

*Epic Cringe*

I believed it because my natural meditation style doesn't fit anyone's book definition and I have a drive to fit in with others because I'm human.

As human beings, we're hardwired to value social constructs. It's evolutionary, yes, but it's also necessary for the future of our species. We're designed to care about each other and what everyone is doing and how they're doing it... until we find peace in just being who we are.

The Work

Over the last 9 months I've put myself through a sort of meditative hell which sounds funny as I write it but still kind of fits.

I tried, for weeks at a time, to see nothing, to think nothing, to CONTROL my mind into nothingness, all the while avoiding my natural bird form of ultra-visual meditations.

I tried to meditate first thing in the morning EVERY GODDAMN MORNING.

I tried to meditate in the afternoon.

I tried to meditate before bed.

I tried to stare at a point directly in front of me and not blink.

I tried putting my sound machine on.

I tried ear plugs.

I tried an eye mask.

I tried walking and thinking of nothing.

I tried so many things and none of them worked for me because I always wanted to take off as a bird in my imagination and go visit other places.

I got mad at myself. I felt like a failure. I didn't understand why I just couldn't do it "the right way."

Until I got so frustrated that I said FUCK IT.

The Peace

I went back to soaring like a bird.

My wings had been waiting for me.

It was effortless to feel the feathers tracing down my arms. It felt right to launch out of my body and into the air. It was so relieving to travel somewhere and receive the messages and sense of knowing that had been waiting for me.

And I finally shed the little bits of those meditative narratives that had stuck in my brain.

I had known all of this before diving in at the beginning of the year but I needed to go through the experience of believing the limitations (even just a little bit) so that I could consciously decide to step out of them and FULLY embrace my own definition.

I meditate as a motha-fuckin bird, yo!

Today, I meditate when I feel called to. Sometimes it's in the morning but most often it's in the middle of the day. And guess what? It's not every day! I meditate 1-3 times a week and that's enough for me.

I know myself. I know my soul. I know my needs and I don't need anyone to tell me that I "should" be meditating 2 hours a day to truly connect or truly become spiritual.

I visualize and receive and have conversations with other beings in my meditations and I still call them meditations because that's what feels right for me.

SO.

I'd like you to ask yourself where you've let a limiting belief or narrative in—even if it's just a little bit!

Then ask what is naturally true for you.

Explore that. Feel into it. Ask yourself why you aren't just doing what naturally feels right for you.

Finally, go do the thing that feels right.

Meg 🐝